The nemesis factor..

Regardless of where you are in your career there will always be a person in your immediate business circle that will challenging.

It could be the person who's style you are challenged by. Are they loud or opinionated? Do they have to be the smartest person in the room? Do you just not connect with them or even feel you don't like them, for some unknown reason? It happens.

Do try and connect with them on some level, so you can understand what sits below the surface. It could all be bravado and the real person behind the facade is someone you enjoy getting to know. If unchanged - find a way to work with them and not let the annoyance factor get under your skin. Move on, this is just life and business.

Then you have the more insidious person. The one you that always has to have the last say or talk over you / feel the need to either correct, add context or "validate" what you have said. Why are they keeping an eagle eye on you and intently focused on what you are doing? Or, what appears to be, making things hard for you. You don't know for sure, however you sense that they are critising you to other colleagues. Your response may be excessive time worrying about what you might have done, or spending too much time focusing on what they are doing, Potentially you spend time “plotting” how to get back! All of this truly is wasted energy. I call it the nemesis factor. Batman vs the Joker...

All of a sudden, you are spending valuable time, speculating or preparing to take them on in a meeting. Rather than planning for a critical meeting, your planning may be more about being able to counter argue or "one up" them. A very slippery slope at this point. I have had a number of nemesis’s across my career. I have always been extremely competitive, so not that surprising, however on my reflection now, what a waste of my time and effort. Investing time worrying about the colleague who was too focused on me, or going “toe to toe”. A crazy waste of energy and distraction. Nail this one early in your career. I have found that this type of behaviour is where someone views you as a threat. There will always be someone who you compete with, or does not particular like you for whatever reason. Once you are perceived as a threat, or you feel the same of someone else, the dynamic shifts. And not in a good way. If there is some safety/bullying issue or behaviour viewed as inappropriate, then naturally you take this on a more formal path. If this is where behaviour has crossed from regular competitive, professional interaction, to something more personal, define your way forward. Some options will be;

• Take it head on and have an open conversation as to how this is playing out - try and drive the shift of dynamic
  

• Try and find ways to be involved in finding solutions on certain things together - you take the bigger person role and bring them in closer.
  

• Finally, Let their behaviour wash over you - run your own path and do not let it get under your skin. Find triggers to stop your annoyance, concern or responding with the same behaviour. Be the best person you can be, focus on your role and what you can bring to the table. Be gracious and graceful.

Potentially a combination of all 3, however do something. At the least, create opportunities to find your own Zen and breathe through some of those less than desirable situations. Find the tools you need - the higher you move up in your career, the more challenging and ambitious colleagues are likely to be. Finally never forget to self reflect and consider what you are doing or how you are acting in these situations or when you enter the meeting room. There could be something that you are doing, that is in fact triggering some of this negative behaviour. Until next time Lisa